Tuesday, January 22, 2008

A grey morning

Waking up late this morning as I usually do, a luxury I can afford being my own boss added to the fact that I like working at night, I was confronted with the daily political agony that my parents insist on watching day after day.
It's been 6 months now since I first came back to Beirut, after 10 years abroad, and my self-defense mechanism still kicks in everytime the TV set is tuned to the News or any one of the 100 Political Talk Shows, offered by local TV stations. Sometimes I just drift away, other times I just exile myself to my own room preferring to envision, plan and work toward my dreams. This type of behaviour which some like to refer to as childish, is my way of refusing to fall into the trap of this negative collective, depressive behaviour which most people in Lebanon seem to suffer of. This self preservation state in which I usually slip , allows me to keep my hard learnt self-confidence, and keep going forward. Do not be fooled into thinking that I'm indifferent, I wasn't, I've always dwelt over political and social issues, but at this moment, I prefer not to fight a losing battle. After all, the only reason I came back and why I haven't already fled this madness is my family. I've come to find a middle point between my future plans and my desire to take care of those who have supported me all those years. The paradox of not failing, in a failing state.

4 comments:

Tarek Hoteit said...

I've been in US for the past 6 years, and it has been 3 years since I last visited Lebanon. I really missed it. My parents are still there. What made you return and what are you planning to do?

ps. thanks for your feedback on my blog (http://tarek.hoteit.org). It's good to have one's own personal journal/diary

viola said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
viola said...

thanks a lot for your comment! :)
and i feel the same as i always try to block those negative vibes coming from politics and create a pretty bubble and live in it!

viola said...

this world is full of beautiful smallness... we just need to see them. feel them